aesopian

aesopian

\ee-SOH-pee-uhn\ , adjective;

1.Conveying meaning by hint, euphemism, innuendo, or the like.

2.Pertaining to, or characteristic of Aesop or his fables.

Perhaps one of the most difficult languages to understand is that of "business speak". It is a language which allows the speaker to simultaneously be an incredible dick while remaining non confrontational and avoiding responsibility for the implied action.

Business speak is proof that we haven't yet evolved as a species. To be fair we've made a lot of progress. The wheel was impressive, and the creation of fire is second to none, but with such glorious advances as the toaster oven comes your bosses implication that an hour lunch break should last 45 minutes. 

"Not that it really matters if you take a full hour. But Jerry doesn't take a full hour, he doesn't even take a half an hour, and look how fast Jerry is moving up. Look at that nice new headset Jerry has. Isn't that nice? It's only 5 years old. Jerry works hard and is rewarded. You work hard too! But, you know, what are you going to do with an hour in the middle of the day?  Go to the gym? I feel like people who go to the gym on their lunch break are showing off. Not you of course, you're not showing off, but other people who do the very same thing you do, they're showing off. 

An hour is fine. Or 45 minutes. Whatever. It gives people time to talk. The longer you're not around, the more time people have to talk...."

People might as well speak Mandarin for all the sense I can make of these aesopian accusations and veiled threats. I'll need an hour and a half lunch tomorrow just to diagram the kinds of conversations had with people around the office.

nebulize

nebulize

\NEB-yuh-lahyz\ , verb;

1.To become vague, or indistinct.

There are abilities every married man and woman should become savvy in. The art of nebulization is one of them. Women attempt to know everything, and men assume they already do. In order to save relationships one must learn the basics of nebulization. It's a subtle art of lying in which one allows another party to assume the details for themselves. These assumptions go a long way in avoiding trouble.

A man might attend a certain kind of place where young girls have fundraisers for college by pretending to be interested in him for $20. Also, she is naked. When this man comes home from the fundraiser he certainly cannot tell his wife, because women hate charity. He therefore must explain away being covered in glitter by letting the wife assume he was witness to a tragic clown car accident and helped the paramedics give the clown mouth to mouth resuscitation. Also, the clowns were naked. 

rapine

rapine

RAP-in\ , intransitive verb;

1.The act of plundering; the seizing and carrying away of another's property by force.

 

For those who don't feel like the simple act of plundering just isn't enough, a word like rapine comes along and gives us all a reason to rape and pillage with renewed enthusiasm.