Amok

Amok: [adverb] [adjective] in a murderously frenzied state. A violently raging manner.

Amok is such an underutilized word. The only time you really hear it is when children start "running amok" - which is to say "there are children running around in a murderously frenzied state", something I find visually disturbing. I used to think "children running amok" meant a group of children were horsing around without regard to adult supervision or respect to the traditional manners of civilized people. As it turns out when children run amok they are knife wielding maniacs foaming at the mouth. Go figure.

With that being said I would like to see the word applied to other situations. It's usage should be more flexible.

Real Life Usage:

Bill: Dude I just spent $27.00 at Taco Bell!
Ted: Yo you got taco's amok!
Bill: Dude I know! I got stabbed on the ride home by a nacho!

Confabulate

Confabulate: To chat or talk informally. This word is wrong on a lot of different levels. Confabulating is one of those words where I would be embarrassed if my parents caught me doing it. I wouldn't want anyone to know that I confabulate with other guys, and it doesn't even sound appropriate to do with girls you just met in a bar. Men who confabulate probably took an estrogen bath in the womb, and the result is a rather flamboyant personality. I'm not saying it's wrong to confabulate, but it's against christian principles, and I don't want to see anyone confabulating in public. I don't mind seeing girls confabulate, but that's a double standard.

Real life usage:
You: Dude I can't stop confabulating!
Friend: Dude, this is a brand new car!

Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous [adj] 1.) Being or seeming to be everywhere, or in all places, at the same time.

I'm not going to lie, I love this word. Every time I see it laid down in a news article, or someone slips it nonchalantly into a conversation, I take a handful of confetti out of my pocket (I always stuff my pockets full of confetti every morning because every day is just waiting to be celebrated) and throw it in the air. Then I dance until everyone walks away from me and/or I'm asked to sit down. Come to think of it confetti is a very ubiquitous item. So is stripper glitter. It gets everywhere, and you're always finding it on you days later, even after showering. That's really fun. I'm glad I realized that.

Common Usage:

Man drinking Big Gulp outside 7-11: Dude. Jesus is so ubiquitous.
Man drinking Slurpee: Dude, I think the word you're looking for is omnipresent.
Man drinking Big Gulp: No. Ubiquitous.
Man drinking Slurpee: Omnipresent.
Man drinking Big Gulp: Ubiquitous!
Jesus: I wish you guys wouldn't talk about me while I'm standing right here.
Both Men together: Woah!

Precarious

Precarious [adj] 1.) Dangerously lacking in security or stability. 2.) Subject to chance or unknown conditions.

An excellent adjective to add to the repatoire, and a much more polite way of saying a situation is totally fucked. To date I have been in 17 "precarious" situations including or caused by; a little leauge baseball game, yogurt, an orange highlighter, another man's umbrella, a plastic chair, a library book, an oversweetened cup of tea, a horse with no name, Neil Diamond, a major radio executive and a live chicken, a block of cheese, tuna fish, a six pack of Budweiser trucker cans and my friend Matt's truck, (11-14 are actually all part of the same event, but all played a significant role to warrent their own number), my friend Matt's truck's windshield (seperate occassion).

Common Usage:

Man on Jetski: Ah! Quite the precarious situation!
Other manon same jetski: I suppose our little bet ahout far into the ocean we could ride has taken an unexpected turn of events, eh?
Man on jetski: Yes, our decision to forgo an extra can of gasoline to get back to dry land shows serious lack of foresight.
Shark: You boys lost?
Other man on same jetski: Look! A talking shark! Nobody will believe this!
Shark: No, they won't, as I am going to eat you both.
Man on jetski: Oh.

Pablum

Pablum [noun] - Trite, naive, simplistic ideas or writing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need more words expressing how much something sucks. I feel like so many things suck that the phrase has been diluted. Getting a speeding ticket doesn't suck in the same way as getting a DUI, and the cast of Jersey Shore doesn't suck as much as the 1.4 million people who watch the show. They get paid for being dumb. I'm dumb for free every day. Who's the sucker here?

Common Usage:

Girl: How did your date with that guy go?
Date Girl: OMMGGG. So. freaking. pablum. All he did was talk about politics and books and his boring job and his stupid blog. He doesn't even own a tv! How can he watch Jersey Shore without a tv!?
Girl: Ew! We should start a charity for like, poor people who, like, don't own tv's. So they can watch Jersey Shore.

Friend: Dude, how did that date with that chick go?
Me: Sucked.
Friend: That sucks.
Me: Word