malapropos

malapropos \ mal-ap-ruh-POH \  , adjective;

1. Unseasonable; unsuitable; inappropriate.

adverb:

1. In an inappropriate or inopportune manner; unseasonably.

 

This word best describes the recent screenplay I've been working on, the working title being "Time Traveling Jesus", in which Jesus travels back to the day of his birth to stop Godless Liberals from ruining the true meaning of Christmas. While the initial installment is a Christmas film I see a lot of room for sequels. If you recall the 80's classics "Ernest Scared Stupid" and "Ernest Goes to Jail" you'll understand where I'm going with this. "Jesus Goes to Operation Iraqi Freedom" and "Jesus Goes to the Jersey Shore (and sends them all to hell)" might not play well to the coasts, but they'll be a smash hit in the flyover states. Even half drunk on champagne 2 hours after ringing in the new year I can think of 10 awesome places to send a time travelling Jesus, and if I can think of great story lines while I'm half drunk just imagine how much I can accomplish completely wasted! Anyway, I don't have a lot of the key plot points hashed out just yet but I can already tell you that in my films Jesus is dressed up a lot like Elvis (except more rhinestones) and in the climatic scene the villain says

 

"Yeah sure I'm ruining Christmas, what are you going to do about it, Jesus?"

 

To which Jesus replies,

 

"It's not what I'm going to do, it's what they're going to do." At which point a large number of American troops appear from behind J.C.and machine gun down all the bad guys.

 

That's what the word malapropos makes me think of.

 

And since I can't think of a funny example to utilize this word in I'll challenge you to a contest. Submit the funniest usage of the word "malapropos" and win a prize. I don't know what the prize is yet, but rest assured it will be something cheap. I'll publish the winning response with credit to the author in a future WOTD. E-mail me at whenifeeldoomed@gmail.com.

 

Happy New Year all! And happy birthday, planet earth.

Brazen

brazen BREY-zuhn \  , adjective;

Shameless or impudent.

 

"Brazen" is derived from the Olde English word "Brozen" - meaning a straightforward attempt by a character from The Jersey Shore to pick up a girl at a bar.

 

 

 

 

Bonanza

bonanza buh-NAN-zuh \  , Noun;

1. A source of great and sudden wealth or luck.

2. A rich mass of ore, as found in mining.

 

Bonanza is the kind of word I would like to party with. If you wanted to go out on a friday night and you called up Bonanza he would be in front of your apartment within the hour in his Jeep with 3 Asian Super Models and a cooler full of 4Loco. Such is the way the word bonanza is.

 

Real Life Usage:

 

Me: Few times I been round that track but I ain't gonna let it happen like dat cause I ain't no holla back girrrrl, I ain't no holla back girrrrl. Ooooo this shtick is bonanza, B-O-N-A-N-Z-A I said this shtick is bonanza! B-O-N-A-N-Z-A!

Friend: Dude, you never get anything right.

Amok

Amok: [adverb] [adjective] in a murderously frenzied state. A violently raging manner.

Amok is such an underutilized word. The only time you really hear it is when children start "running amok" - which is to say "there are children running around in a murderously frenzied state", something I find visually disturbing. I used to think "children running amok" meant a group of children were horsing around without regard to adult supervision or respect to the traditional manners of civilized people. As it turns out when children run amok they are knife wielding maniacs foaming at the mouth. Go figure.

With that being said I would like to see the word applied to other situations. It's usage should be more flexible.

Real Life Usage:

Bill: Dude I just spent $27.00 at Taco Bell!
Ted: Yo you got taco's amok!
Bill: Dude I know! I got stabbed on the ride home by a nacho!

Confabulate

Confabulate: To chat or talk informally. This word is wrong on a lot of different levels. Confabulating is one of those words where I would be embarrassed if my parents caught me doing it. I wouldn't want anyone to know that I confabulate with other guys, and it doesn't even sound appropriate to do with girls you just met in a bar. Men who confabulate probably took an estrogen bath in the womb, and the result is a rather flamboyant personality. I'm not saying it's wrong to confabulate, but it's against christian principles, and I don't want to see anyone confabulating in public. I don't mind seeing girls confabulate, but that's a double standard.

Real life usage:
You: Dude I can't stop confabulating!
Friend: Dude, this is a brand new car!

Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous [adj] 1.) Being or seeming to be everywhere, or in all places, at the same time.

I'm not going to lie, I love this word. Every time I see it laid down in a news article, or someone slips it nonchalantly into a conversation, I take a handful of confetti out of my pocket (I always stuff my pockets full of confetti every morning because every day is just waiting to be celebrated) and throw it in the air. Then I dance until everyone walks away from me and/or I'm asked to sit down. Come to think of it confetti is a very ubiquitous item. So is stripper glitter. It gets everywhere, and you're always finding it on you days later, even after showering. That's really fun. I'm glad I realized that.

Common Usage:

Man drinking Big Gulp outside 7-11: Dude. Jesus is so ubiquitous.
Man drinking Slurpee: Dude, I think the word you're looking for is omnipresent.
Man drinking Big Gulp: No. Ubiquitous.
Man drinking Slurpee: Omnipresent.
Man drinking Big Gulp: Ubiquitous!
Jesus: I wish you guys wouldn't talk about me while I'm standing right here.
Both Men together: Woah!

Precarious

Precarious [adj] 1.) Dangerously lacking in security or stability. 2.) Subject to chance or unknown conditions.

An excellent adjective to add to the repatoire, and a much more polite way of saying a situation is totally fucked. To date I have been in 17 "precarious" situations including or caused by; a little leauge baseball game, yogurt, an orange highlighter, another man's umbrella, a plastic chair, a library book, an oversweetened cup of tea, a horse with no name, Neil Diamond, a major radio executive and a live chicken, a block of cheese, tuna fish, a six pack of Budweiser trucker cans and my friend Matt's truck, (11-14 are actually all part of the same event, but all played a significant role to warrent their own number), my friend Matt's truck's windshield (seperate occassion).

Common Usage:

Man on Jetski: Ah! Quite the precarious situation!
Other manon same jetski: I suppose our little bet ahout far into the ocean we could ride has taken an unexpected turn of events, eh?
Man on jetski: Yes, our decision to forgo an extra can of gasoline to get back to dry land shows serious lack of foresight.
Shark: You boys lost?
Other man on same jetski: Look! A talking shark! Nobody will believe this!
Shark: No, they won't, as I am going to eat you both.
Man on jetski: Oh.

Pablum

Pablum [noun] - Trite, naive, simplistic ideas or writing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need more words expressing how much something sucks. I feel like so many things suck that the phrase has been diluted. Getting a speeding ticket doesn't suck in the same way as getting a DUI, and the cast of Jersey Shore doesn't suck as much as the 1.4 million people who watch the show. They get paid for being dumb. I'm dumb for free every day. Who's the sucker here?

Common Usage:

Girl: How did your date with that guy go?
Date Girl: OMMGGG. So. freaking. pablum. All he did was talk about politics and books and his boring job and his stupid blog. He doesn't even own a tv! How can he watch Jersey Shore without a tv!?
Girl: Ew! We should start a charity for like, poor people who, like, don't own tv's. So they can watch Jersey Shore.

Friend: Dude, how did that date with that chick go?
Me: Sucked.
Friend: That sucks.
Me: Word