Sunday, February 20, 2011

subterfuge

SUB-tur-fyooj \  , noun;

1. A deceptive device or stratagem.

Before I was the ideal of masculinity I was a small boy afraid of needles, particularly needles being stuck into me. I would have rather taken my chances with Polio. What's good enough for Franklin Delano Roosevelt is good enough for me. My mother and many nurses disagreed. They were not fooled by my declaration that I already had my shots and that I would surely die if I were given another one. Hiding didn't work either. In order to get me to go to the Doctor my mother would tell me we were going some place  interesting, like Fischer Big Wheel, where she would purchase me a new Matchbox Car. There was a lot of subterfuge going on during that period of my life, and I always lost.

Real Life Usage:
Nurse: On the count of three I'm going to give you the shot. It will only hurt a little bit, and it will be over very, very fast.
(A very doubting) Me: You're not going to do that thing like in the movies where you say you're going to count to three, but then jam me with the thing at the two count right?
Nurse:...No....
Me: Allow me to brace myself.
Nurse: Oneeee...(jams needle into my arm)
Me: Oh damn you devil woman! Tricked again by your deviant subterfuge! You're just the Russians in The Hunt for Red October!"
Nurse: You have quite a mouth on you for a four year old.

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