dandle

dandle

\ DAN-dl \  , verb;

1.To move (a baby, child, etc.) lightly up and down, as on one's knee or in one's arms.

2.To pet; pamper.

 

Dandling a baby seems like a delicate activity, and I'm not quite sure I'm up for the task. It isn't as though I wouldn't like to do it. I'm sure I would seem quite charming to single women if I were caught dandling, so long as they understood the child was only a temporary ornament. I'll cut right to it and say that it's really an issue of droppage. It may sound immature but honestly, do you let everyone drive your brand new car on the first day you've bought it? Of course you don't. Why should you act any differently with your brand new human being? 

 

Further, what do I do with my cigarette while dandling? I can't keep it in my mouth, my hands are holding the baby, should the baby hold the cigarette? I'll bet you didn't think dandling would be so complicated, eh? But that's just my nature. Identify all probable outcomes in order to best avoid responsibility.