Threefer!

Hey there, crimestoppers! I'm wrapping up three words for you today since I've been a bad, bad little blogger and didn't post last night. My sincere apologies. I won't let it happen again. Unless, of course, I start drinking jager. A spank on the bottom and we're on our way.


Baroque: Referring to art, literature, or music that is excessively ornamental. Baroque dates from the Seventeenth century, which gave birth to the form.
The more words you can have to describe art without actually having to know anything about art the better. The charming thing about art is that it doesn't make any sense and sometimes doesn't even seemingly require any talent. I pity today’s talented artists, who are forced to live in poverty while somebody hangs a urinal on the wall and is called a genius. As far as I can tell a group of people (untalented pretentious assholes) stand around and pay homage only to things they can't understand, even if the reason they can't understand it is because it's meaningless. When tangible talent is viewed the assholes are able to criticize it. When they see a turd on a silver platter (literally) they want to call it "transcendent". It pisses me off. Anyways.

Real Life Usage:
Friend: Want to go see a movie?
You: No way dude, I am totally baroque.
Friend: Please stop using that word like that.
You: Let's stay in and watch Baroqueback Mountain.
Friend: (kicks you)
You: Dude, I think you baroque my finger!
Bovine: of or resembling a cow or ox.

Ask anybody, I love a classy way to call somebody a big fat cow.

Real Life Usage:
Dumb friend: What did you think of my new girlfriend/boyfriend?
You: In all my days I have never seen a more bovine creature. You two are perfect for one another.
Dumb Friend: Thanks!
Bulbous: Shaped like a bulb, bloated.
I like this word because it's gross. There are a few words in the English language that are just flat out disgusting. Up until this point my list consisted of the following words;
1.) Moist
2.) Mound
3.) Digital Meat Thermometer
and introducing
4.) Bulbous!

Go ahead and do a little word association with other people. Ask them the first thing they think of when they hear the word bulbous. I guarantee it will be something disgusting or inappropriate.

Real Life Usage:
You: Hey, look at this...
Friend: Oh my God! That's disgusting!
You: Do you think it should be that bulbous?

**On a side note I checked out the "Customer's who bought this also bought..." section of this blog on Amazon and it turns out that you folks tend to read some pretty risque prose. I always knew this blog had some of the sexier readers out there. :)

If you enjoy this blog I encourage you to check out some of my other humor writing. "When I Feel Doomed: Vol 1" is available hot and fresh in the Kindle store.**